Thursday, August 19, 2010

Another new chapter

Dad was declared legally blind today. He has macular degeneration in both eyes, and has there isn't a prescription available that will help. So now that opens a whole new chapter and issue I get to deal with.

The good news is that it changed his status with the VA, and he will no longer have co-pay's, but the bad news is, he can't see anything. There is a "blind camp" that he can go to free of charge with the VA, to learn how to use visual aids and other equipment so he can use his computer and things. They gave him some MaxxTV glasses, and he looks like Poindexter, but at least he can see the TV.

I am going to Contact the state and see if him being blind will change his status as far as getting in home care. It would be very nice to be able to have them pay for respite care instead of paying for it out of pocket.


On another note, we are going to visit family next month. We are going to take almost a week and go to IF to see Dad's sister(and I get to see my wonderful in law's and some really great friends) and then we are going to Elko to see Dad's brother and most of his kids! I am excited, it has been almost a year since I have seen family!!!! Last October and November for most, although I did see my in law's in May. But I have great in law's and only a few times a year kills me.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

I feel like MY LIFE is over.

I am so upset and frusterated right now, I feel like my life is over. I know that I am just tired from the lack of sleep, and irritated that the VA took so long to do a surgery on Dad while he just got weaker and weaker! He hadn't gained back enough weight from the fall in Feb, and two weeks of not eating for two weeks while he was in the hospital and them not getting him up and walking so he is just soooooo weak.

I am pissed that Dad doesn't qualify for State medical so I don't get any income to stay home with him, but I am fine with that, but it also doesn't help me find respite care. I really want to go to the races with Cody next weekend for MY birthday, but nope, I get to stay home and not do anything but take care of Dad. Then the week of my birthday I get to spend at the VA because Dad has 3 appts that week, the 17th the 18th (my birthday) and the 19th!!!!

I know it is childish to be whinning about the fact that I don't get to do anything for my birthday but at this point I don't even think that I will get to go out to dinner. Our Anniversary was runied as well, and I am just mad that I have to do this alone. I know that I have help from Cody and from some great friends but right now I feel lost in a sea of despair and hopelessness. And I know that I have to do this again!!! Dad still has to have his hernia repaired! So it will be another surgery and another turn with PT and OT, and people telling me how to make MY HOUSE more sutible for Dad. It just pisses me off that people don't seem to care that it is MY House and I have to live here too, and that I don't plan on turning my house into a retierment house! I need to be able to live here too!

I feel so alone in this struggle, and when I talk to Cody he lets me know how frusterated and irritated he is as well and I have no one that I can really vent to. If I vent to much to Cody we are going to end up in a fight because he is just as stressed out as I am, and knowing that I am stuck here doesn't help. I am so mad that I have to give up what I want to do! And Dad is so much more work right now than he was when he came home in April that I am just devistated! And maybe I am just irritated, but it seems like Dad isn't trying as hard to get back to where he was!

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Back to Square One

Well actually we are behind square one. Dad is home from the hospital, and needs more help than he did when he came home from the fall. He is having issues with bladder and bowel control, as well as he will be back on oxygen while active.
I am so frustrated, any strides we made in the last 3 months are gone, and I am once again tied to home. I am not sure I can even leave for a few minutes to run to the store or take a bike ride. Dad is in no condition to travel with us, so even if my dragster was up and running, I would be done for the year. I tried to find a sitter for the next race, and both of the ones I can rely on have other things going on, which I totally understand, but since the state won't cover in home care, I can't get respite care in here with out it being out of pocket at $20+ an hour, and it would cost more to have someone come in for Dad than it would for us to race.
I am praying and hoping that it doesn't take Dad to long to bounce back from this and he can gain back his limited independence that he had before he went in, so I can also have some independence again! I love my father and will do what is necessary to care for him but this feels like a huge backslide! I really hope that he gets on his feet before we go to see family in late September. That is 7 weeks away from today. I am sure that he will make great strides between now and then, we have a stubborn streak!