Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Home

Today is the day. Dad is home. We were told to go to the VA to pick up his medication, and of course, we got there, and no medication. We waited over 45 minutes to talk to the Dr or his nurse, and it didn't happen, so I scheduled an appt for this afternoon to get it resolved. The nurse has called to find out what is going on and we may not have to go back. I am expecting another call.

It is very frustrating to not know what is going on! The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, and it sucks being caught in the middle.

So far Dad has needed help to get up the stairs which I knew he would, and it hasn't been too bad, He is trying to be non needy, but I also understand that he is NEEDY right now and I expect it.

I know that my life is going to be changing and I really think that I have done what I can to prepare, but I am sure that the reality will be completely different than my expectations.
I just want everyone to be happy and get what they need. I know that I will have to make sacrifices for that to happen. I hope that is appreciated. I am going to be giving up my extra income, my sense of self by not having a job and not contributing that way. I will be giving up my individuality and trying to become a selfless caregiver. How does one make that transition. I can see it when you are becoming a parent. I understand the desire to stay home with the baby, but most people in my situation would let someone else care for the parent. I know that would be easier on me, but I don't really trust someone else to do my job. I never have. Even with Dad being in Rehabs and everything else,I know he got alright care, but it is a JOB to the staff, most of them are there to collect a paycheck, not all of them CARE about the patient, and you can see it. Dad had some Great nurses and therapist, and he also had some not so great ones. I respect people who choose to go into the medical field, but damn it, if you are going to do it, do it for the right reasons. Don't do it because you think it will be easy to get a job. Care about the people that you are caring for, treat them with respect, they don't really want to be there, they would all rather be home, so make them welcome! Don't treat them like mindless children! Let them know what you need to do and why, don't just start doing things and then get mad when they resist! Dad told me of one nurse who just kept coming in and start undressing him for bed or a shower with out even a Hello how are you doing?- Really, How would you like that? I understand that you have a job to do, and you may have a time line, but BE NICE! It is a lot better for you and for your patients. Well I need to make lunch for Dad. So it begins.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Reality Check

Well Dad has been in rehab 2 days and they are already talking about his release date. They said he should be out in a week to a week and 1/2. Really OMG, I have so much I need to get done between now and then, and no time to do it. Tonight we got a lot of errands done, so tomorrow I can focus on cleaning and getting things ready for him to be home.
I need to talk to my boss tomorrow about Friday being my last day since I am already going to be gone the first part of next week for my surgery. I am sad yet relived to be going. I am ready to stop spreading myself so thin. I haven't devoted the right attention to anything lately just because I am trying to get everything done. When my Mom was sick, I had sibling help, and now I am doing it all on my own.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Randomness/thoughts

Dad will be moving to a long term care facility/skilled nursing facility towards that end of next week. I have not been happy with the lack of communication from the place he is at now. It took 4 days and then 4 phone calls on Friday for them to tell me that they didn't have anyplace in mind yet, but would get me that information on Monday.

I also found out that I have to have a hernia surgery myself. It is scheduled for the 19th of April. Hopefully I will be healed enough by the time Dad gets home to be able to lift stuff.
I know that God wont give me anything more than what We can handle as a team,, but I really wish that He wouldn't test my strength to these limits. I am so tired and just want a break. I won't give up, and I will make it through. I know that and I have faith, and I know that there are many people worse off than I am, but I am tired.
I also got a friend request on FB from my nephew, whom I haven't seen since he was 4, and I have no relationship with his parents by their choice. I ignored it. But I feel horrible. I don't want him to think it is his fault. But his mother is the one that made the choice to cut us out of her life by her lack of trust and many other issues. I wasn't even able to send him a message explaining why. When he is older and not living with his mother, and she doesn't have the ability to look over his shoulder, I will attempt contact then. But she made her bed, and I cannot deal with the heartbreak, lies and massive mood swings that she has and inflicts on others. I tried for 9 years after my Mom passed away to make it work. I know that I will meet my God with a clear conscious about this. God will understand that I couldn't allow her negativity and maliciousness to be a part of my life. She has destroyed so many friendship and realationships with her lies and off the wall random made up things. It breaks my heart that she has been able to do all of this, pitting one person against the other.