Well I have been home for 12 weeks already. I should have gone back to work today. I did tell my wonderful boss about a month ago that I would not be able to come back. Dad still has so many appointments and so many things going on that even if I was to try and go back it would only be part time and not very reliable at that.
So we have adjusted to life with me being home. I am doing more yard work and grocery shopping on my own, which I HATE by the way! (the grocery shopping, not the yard work) But we are half way through the summer and things are going ok. I have a garden growing with jalapenos, cucumbers, peas, and cauliflower. I also have tomatoes in big pots. I am looking forward to being able to harvest and use all the home grown goodness.
We have been to some races, and we have taken Dad and Traci with us a few times. I feel a little jipped though,, we bought the motor home so we wouldn't have to sleep in the car trailer, and we are still sleeping in the car trailer! :) But it is alright since I am still getting the opportunity to race. And Cody has been great about helping out!
We still have a busy month ahead of us. I have Drag Racing school this week,(I am so excited) and then next week Dad starts his physical therapy. Plus and MRI on his shoulder. Then we have another race on the 24th and 25th which I have a Dad sitter lined up, and then we are off to a Hansen family reunion! I am so not looking forward to the 12 hour drive in the heat, but it will be so great to see family for a happy event, and for more than a few hours.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Uggg!
Yesterday was our 14 year anniversary, and we spent it in a bad mood. My Sis is being a pain. She has been defiant and not listening and just being a brat. I talked to her yesterday and she admitted that she is trying to push hubby and I apart so I could spend more time with her, and that she feels left out. I flat out told her that if she forces me to choose between the two of them that she will loose because I will choose my hubby over her. But that will also affect Dad. I can't afford to stay home and take care of Dad if she isn't here as well, and if she goes, I will have to put Dad in a Long Term Care facility and go back to work. It is all or nothing.
We ended up making up and working things out, but we are both still so frustrated with her behavior. Most parents can look forward to their kids growing out of a difficult stage, but Sis will be stuck here forever. I just hope that she realizes that she has to adapt. She is not nor will she ever be the center of my universe. I know that sounds harsh, but my Mom, who I love, did the best she could with what she knew, and she made Sis the center of everything. Sis got a present on My birthday as a child, because Mom didn't think that she would understand why I was getting all the attention. I didn't get a present on her birthday because I could understand. And that is just a small thing, Mom would miss my soccer games or whatever to be at Sis' events. I did and do understand but it has made my life that much harder because I am not willing to give up who I am and what I want for her. She can blend in with the family, she can give up being the center of the world so that EVERYONE gets what they need.
I can see how easy it is to give up what you want for someone with special needs, but I need to maintain my life. I don't want to just be a caregiver. I want to maintain ME! I want to live my LIFE, and it is only a small part of my life that is a caregiver. I am still a wife and a person, a daughter, a friend, and a sister. I am not a single thing. I am a whole complete person, and I want to keep it that way.
I am so frustrated because I don't know how to get through to her that she is the one that is the cause of all her groundings and not being included. If she would what we ask with out the defiance, she would be included, but I am not willing to reward bad behavior. I have the energy to fight with her and not give in and back down like Mom used to do.
I do have to stay that my husband has taken on so much, not only did he marry me, he has taken on my sis and now my father, and he is supporting us with all this turmoil and frustration. He is my Rock, and my sanity, my best friend, my love, and the world to me. I love him more today than I did on the day I married him. I had no idea when we married what life would bring, and it has never been boring, but through it all we have always been a good team! We are definitely soul mates. Not many people are as lucky as I am to have found my soul mate at 19. Thank you for an adventurous 14 years. Here is looking forward to the next chapters of our life.
We ended up making up and working things out, but we are both still so frustrated with her behavior. Most parents can look forward to their kids growing out of a difficult stage, but Sis will be stuck here forever. I just hope that she realizes that she has to adapt. She is not nor will she ever be the center of my universe. I know that sounds harsh, but my Mom, who I love, did the best she could with what she knew, and she made Sis the center of everything. Sis got a present on My birthday as a child, because Mom didn't think that she would understand why I was getting all the attention. I didn't get a present on her birthday because I could understand. And that is just a small thing, Mom would miss my soccer games or whatever to be at Sis' events. I did and do understand but it has made my life that much harder because I am not willing to give up who I am and what I want for her. She can blend in with the family, she can give up being the center of the world so that EVERYONE gets what they need.
I can see how easy it is to give up what you want for someone with special needs, but I need to maintain my life. I don't want to just be a caregiver. I want to maintain ME! I want to live my LIFE, and it is only a small part of my life that is a caregiver. I am still a wife and a person, a daughter, a friend, and a sister. I am not a single thing. I am a whole complete person, and I want to keep it that way.
I am so frustrated because I don't know how to get through to her that she is the one that is the cause of all her groundings and not being included. If she would what we ask with out the defiance, she would be included, but I am not willing to reward bad behavior. I have the energy to fight with her and not give in and back down like Mom used to do.
I do have to stay that my husband has taken on so much, not only did he marry me, he has taken on my sis and now my father, and he is supporting us with all this turmoil and frustration. He is my Rock, and my sanity, my best friend, my love, and the world to me. I love him more today than I did on the day I married him. I had no idea when we married what life would bring, and it has never been boring, but through it all we have always been a good team! We are definitely soul mates. Not many people are as lucky as I am to have found my soul mate at 19. Thank you for an adventurous 14 years. Here is looking forward to the next chapters of our life.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Settling in,, I guess
Well it has been a month now that I have been home, and I haven't been able to accomplish much of what I had wanted to. Caring for Dad takes alot of time, which I knew it would. I just didn't think it would be THIS MUCH. But with his PT and OT appts, that are in the middle of our morning, it really messes with the whole day. I think once we are done with those, it should really help.
I am adjusting to the Suzie Homemaker role I guess. I have made bread (and it is edible) and I made two batches of Cupcakes to take to the race track for Cody's birthday last weekend. We had a blast. It was so nice to have the break.
I have wonderful friends who stayed with Dad while we were gone. Cody won his class and I went to the Semi Finals, which is the Farthest I have ever been in a race and I was happy as a clam!
Here is a link to the picture from Cody's win http://www.madrasdragstrip.com/51610bswin.jpg
All in all it was a good weekend.
I really think that things will work out. Dad is doing so much better, and although he doesn't need assistance to get out of his chair or bed anymore, he still needs ALOT of supervison.
I still have alot of adjusting to do, but we are making it work since that is what I do best! I make it work!
I am adjusting to the Suzie Homemaker role I guess. I have made bread (and it is edible) and I made two batches of Cupcakes to take to the race track for Cody's birthday last weekend. We had a blast. It was so nice to have the break.
I have wonderful friends who stayed with Dad while we were gone. Cody won his class and I went to the Semi Finals, which is the Farthest I have ever been in a race and I was happy as a clam!
Here is a link to the picture from Cody's win http://www.madrasdragstrip.com/51610bswin.jpg
All in all it was a good weekend.
I really think that things will work out. Dad is doing so much better, and although he doesn't need assistance to get out of his chair or bed anymore, he still needs ALOT of supervison.
I still have alot of adjusting to do, but we are making it work since that is what I do best! I make it work!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Week One
Well all I can say is WOW! What a week. We got Dad home on Tuesday and he had me up 3 times that night for bathroom trips. Wednesday he had me up once, Thursday the walkie talkie batteries died so he couldn't get me up, but it all worked out. It was a very tough week. He has no set routine yet, and we were kinda flying by the seat of our pants. I can't count how many times I walked up and down the stairs. Good for the legs and butt right?
I got the first taste of the insurance hell I am going to have to go through on Thursday when I got a phone call from the Trama Dr's from the ICU. VA denied the claims siting that the he has other insurance even though he doesn't have what they are saying he does and they know it! So I had to type up a letter and have Dad sign it stating that he doesn't have any other insurance and to please proccess his claims. So we mailed that off. Hopefully it works. Then when I went to get the mail on Friday there was 52 letter's of denial from the VA in the mail. 52!
I was able to find a friend to house/dad sit for the weekend so I could go to the races in Boise. Hubby left with the Motorhome and the Dogs on Wednesday. Some good friends of ours from UT that came up for the races, picked me up from the airport an took me out to the track. It was so awesome to have a weekend away. I have been stressing and on the go since October of last year. It has been one thing after another after another. If things come in 3's I should be set for the next 10 years!
We were able to visit my Inlaw's while in Boise. I miss seeing them. I am blessed with the worlds greatest in laws. At least that is my opinion.
Today we are getting a home visit from a RN to evaluate Dad for in home therapy. I have so much to do and I haven't gotten anything done. I need to clean the fish tank, but I don't want to start on anything until after the RN comes and goes. Plus Dad needs a pedicure and I am not touching his nasty feet so after the appt with the RN, we are going to go get that done. He has two appts tomorrow at the VA, so we will need to be up and outta the house by 6:45. That way I don't have to drive through downtown Portland during morning rush hour. So I won't get anything done tomorrow either. I guess I will have to be busy the rest of the week. And Hubby has to be gone this weekend for work. I have a whole new appreciation for anyone who stays home for any reason. I feel like I haven't accomplished squat but I have been busy all day. Every day. We definitly need to get a routine going and all that. Hopefully after this appt today we can start to figure that all out. I need a schedule to work well. If I don't have enough structure I get to easily distracted!
I got the first taste of the insurance hell I am going to have to go through on Thursday when I got a phone call from the Trama Dr's from the ICU. VA denied the claims siting that the he has other insurance even though he doesn't have what they are saying he does and they know it! So I had to type up a letter and have Dad sign it stating that he doesn't have any other insurance and to please proccess his claims. So we mailed that off. Hopefully it works. Then when I went to get the mail on Friday there was 52 letter's of denial from the VA in the mail. 52!
I was able to find a friend to house/dad sit for the weekend so I could go to the races in Boise. Hubby left with the Motorhome and the Dogs on Wednesday. Some good friends of ours from UT that came up for the races, picked me up from the airport an took me out to the track. It was so awesome to have a weekend away. I have been stressing and on the go since October of last year. It has been one thing after another after another. If things come in 3's I should be set for the next 10 years!
We were able to visit my Inlaw's while in Boise. I miss seeing them. I am blessed with the worlds greatest in laws. At least that is my opinion.
Today we are getting a home visit from a RN to evaluate Dad for in home therapy. I have so much to do and I haven't gotten anything done. I need to clean the fish tank, but I don't want to start on anything until after the RN comes and goes. Plus Dad needs a pedicure and I am not touching his nasty feet so after the appt with the RN, we are going to go get that done. He has two appts tomorrow at the VA, so we will need to be up and outta the house by 6:45. That way I don't have to drive through downtown Portland during morning rush hour. So I won't get anything done tomorrow either. I guess I will have to be busy the rest of the week. And Hubby has to be gone this weekend for work. I have a whole new appreciation for anyone who stays home for any reason. I feel like I haven't accomplished squat but I have been busy all day. Every day. We definitly need to get a routine going and all that. Hopefully after this appt today we can start to figure that all out. I need a schedule to work well. If I don't have enough structure I get to easily distracted!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Home
Today is the day. Dad is home. We were told to go to the VA to pick up his medication, and of course, we got there, and no medication. We waited over 45 minutes to talk to the Dr or his nurse, and it didn't happen, so I scheduled an appt for this afternoon to get it resolved. The nurse has called to find out what is going on and we may not have to go back. I am expecting another call.
It is very frustrating to not know what is going on! The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, and it sucks being caught in the middle.
So far Dad has needed help to get up the stairs which I knew he would, and it hasn't been too bad, He is trying to be non needy, but I also understand that he is NEEDY right now and I expect it.
I know that my life is going to be changing and I really think that I have done what I can to prepare, but I am sure that the reality will be completely different than my expectations.
I just want everyone to be happy and get what they need. I know that I will have to make sacrifices for that to happen. I hope that is appreciated. I am going to be giving up my extra income, my sense of self by not having a job and not contributing that way. I will be giving up my individuality and trying to become a selfless caregiver. How does one make that transition. I can see it when you are becoming a parent. I understand the desire to stay home with the baby, but most people in my situation would let someone else care for the parent. I know that would be easier on me, but I don't really trust someone else to do my job. I never have. Even with Dad being in Rehabs and everything else,I know he got alright care, but it is a JOB to the staff, most of them are there to collect a paycheck, not all of them CARE about the patient, and you can see it. Dad had some Great nurses and therapist, and he also had some not so great ones. I respect people who choose to go into the medical field, but damn it, if you are going to do it, do it for the right reasons. Don't do it because you think it will be easy to get a job. Care about the people that you are caring for, treat them with respect, they don't really want to be there, they would all rather be home, so make them welcome! Don't treat them like mindless children! Let them know what you need to do and why, don't just start doing things and then get mad when they resist! Dad told me of one nurse who just kept coming in and start undressing him for bed or a shower with out even a Hello how are you doing?- Really, How would you like that? I understand that you have a job to do, and you may have a time line, but BE NICE! It is a lot better for you and for your patients. Well I need to make lunch for Dad. So it begins.
It is very frustrating to not know what is going on! The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing, and it sucks being caught in the middle.
So far Dad has needed help to get up the stairs which I knew he would, and it hasn't been too bad, He is trying to be non needy, but I also understand that he is NEEDY right now and I expect it.
I know that my life is going to be changing and I really think that I have done what I can to prepare, but I am sure that the reality will be completely different than my expectations.
I just want everyone to be happy and get what they need. I know that I will have to make sacrifices for that to happen. I hope that is appreciated. I am going to be giving up my extra income, my sense of self by not having a job and not contributing that way. I will be giving up my individuality and trying to become a selfless caregiver. How does one make that transition. I can see it when you are becoming a parent. I understand the desire to stay home with the baby, but most people in my situation would let someone else care for the parent. I know that would be easier on me, but I don't really trust someone else to do my job. I never have. Even with Dad being in Rehabs and everything else,I know he got alright care, but it is a JOB to the staff, most of them are there to collect a paycheck, not all of them CARE about the patient, and you can see it. Dad had some Great nurses and therapist, and he also had some not so great ones. I respect people who choose to go into the medical field, but damn it, if you are going to do it, do it for the right reasons. Don't do it because you think it will be easy to get a job. Care about the people that you are caring for, treat them with respect, they don't really want to be there, they would all rather be home, so make them welcome! Don't treat them like mindless children! Let them know what you need to do and why, don't just start doing things and then get mad when they resist! Dad told me of one nurse who just kept coming in and start undressing him for bed or a shower with out even a Hello how are you doing?- Really, How would you like that? I understand that you have a job to do, and you may have a time line, but BE NICE! It is a lot better for you and for your patients. Well I need to make lunch for Dad. So it begins.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Reality Check
Well Dad has been in rehab 2 days and they are already talking about his release date. They said he should be out in a week to a week and 1/2. Really OMG, I have so much I need to get done between now and then, and no time to do it. Tonight we got a lot of errands done, so tomorrow I can focus on cleaning and getting things ready for him to be home.
I need to talk to my boss tomorrow about Friday being my last day since I am already going to be gone the first part of next week for my surgery. I am sad yet relived to be going. I am ready to stop spreading myself so thin. I haven't devoted the right attention to anything lately just because I am trying to get everything done. When my Mom was sick, I had sibling help, and now I am doing it all on my own.
I need to talk to my boss tomorrow about Friday being my last day since I am already going to be gone the first part of next week for my surgery. I am sad yet relived to be going. I am ready to stop spreading myself so thin. I haven't devoted the right attention to anything lately just because I am trying to get everything done. When my Mom was sick, I had sibling help, and now I am doing it all on my own.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Randomness/thoughts
Dad will be moving to a long term care facility/skilled nursing facility towards that end of next week. I have not been happy with the lack of communication from the place he is at now. It took 4 days and then 4 phone calls on Friday for them to tell me that they didn't have anyplace in mind yet, but would get me that information on Monday.
I also found out that I have to have a hernia surgery myself. It is scheduled for the 19th of April. Hopefully I will be healed enough by the time Dad gets home to be able to lift stuff.
I know that God wont give me anything more than what We can handle as a team,, but I really wish that He wouldn't test my strength to these limits. I am so tired and just want a break. I won't give up, and I will make it through. I know that and I have faith, and I know that there are many people worse off than I am, but I am tired.
I also got a friend request on FB from my nephew, whom I haven't seen since he was 4, and I have no relationship with his parents by their choice. I ignored it. But I feel horrible. I don't want him to think it is his fault. But his mother is the one that made the choice to cut us out of her life by her lack of trust and many other issues. I wasn't even able to send him a message explaining why. When he is older and not living with his mother, and she doesn't have the ability to look over his shoulder, I will attempt contact then. But she made her bed, and I cannot deal with the heartbreak, lies and massive mood swings that she has and inflicts on others. I tried for 9 years after my Mom passed away to make it work. I know that I will meet my God with a clear conscious about this. God will understand that I couldn't allow her negativity and maliciousness to be a part of my life. She has destroyed so many friendship and realationships with her lies and off the wall random made up things. It breaks my heart that she has been able to do all of this, pitting one person against the other.
I also found out that I have to have a hernia surgery myself. It is scheduled for the 19th of April. Hopefully I will be healed enough by the time Dad gets home to be able to lift stuff.
I know that God wont give me anything more than what We can handle as a team,, but I really wish that He wouldn't test my strength to these limits. I am so tired and just want a break. I won't give up, and I will make it through. I know that and I have faith, and I know that there are many people worse off than I am, but I am tired.
I also got a friend request on FB from my nephew, whom I haven't seen since he was 4, and I have no relationship with his parents by their choice. I ignored it. But I feel horrible. I don't want him to think it is his fault. But his mother is the one that made the choice to cut us out of her life by her lack of trust and many other issues. I wasn't even able to send him a message explaining why. When he is older and not living with his mother, and she doesn't have the ability to look over his shoulder, I will attempt contact then. But she made her bed, and I cannot deal with the heartbreak, lies and massive mood swings that she has and inflicts on others. I tried for 9 years after my Mom passed away to make it work. I know that I will meet my God with a clear conscious about this. God will understand that I couldn't allow her negativity and maliciousness to be a part of my life. She has destroyed so many friendship and realationships with her lies and off the wall random made up things. It breaks my heart that she has been able to do all of this, pitting one person against the other.
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